Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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