I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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