my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
