I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I want is dick and wine.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
