you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
