I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
