A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
