Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You took a bar mat shot.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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