I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
