i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
