We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
