New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize