Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
