On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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