I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
