Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
