dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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