I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
