Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
