I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
