90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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