theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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