He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
