Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
