Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
