I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
