Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
