she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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