I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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