'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
