Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
