she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
