can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
