Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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