i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
