Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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