I didn't shave. On purpose
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
