Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
