Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
