addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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