and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
