meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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