don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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