i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize