I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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