Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
