I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
