I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im six kinds of drunk right now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if only i could text you this smell
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
