I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
