Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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