At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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