dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
