The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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