There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
