you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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