none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
