I love black thongs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
