areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
