Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
