Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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