It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
