remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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