i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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