I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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