Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
