I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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