around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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