I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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