You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
